The Lost Art of Friendly Disagreement.

It is a firm belief of mine that as Americans (I can't speak for the rest of the world) we are becoming more divided. I am not focusing on politics, just in general. One thing that makes me believe this is that it seems like for the most part, people try to avoid any kind of conflict. I think that many people have been lead to believe that conflict is for people who don't like each other. So when many of us disagree with our acquaintances, we tend to hold it inside and let it stew. I believe this has helped us become somewhat of a passive aggressive nation, which helps to divide people more because by the time a person does come out with what they are upset about (usually after making many semi-direct snide comments), the disagreement is worse than the original.

Occasional conflict (friendly fire) can be essential to maintaining a friendship or acquaintanceship. If one keeps their comments neutral while reassuring the other person that disagreeing with them doesn't mean they don't like them, friendly conflict can help a relationship grow by establishing openness, honesty and trust. I see avoidance tactics by people which includes ignoring comments and trying to change the subject; and personally, if they disagree with me or think I am saying something stupid, I would rather them tell me than keep quiet. People may think they are keeping things to themselves when avoiding uncomfortable disagreements, but often times they are showing some signs of the disagreement in their facial expressions and body language and often times, remaining silent can be a bigger snub than just saying something.

So in my opinion, it is better to just go ahead and disagree. If you are prone to spouting angry nonsense when disagreeing, just choose words carefully or take a breather before you say something. But don't let it sit and potentially grow into something bigger.

Finding My Identity

I have been kind of on a down spiral lately, just kind of bored with life at the moment. I am usually, not a positive person but a person that believes that things work themselves out in the end so I am sure it will pass but for now as of lately I just feel as if I am not going anywhere and I am not growing as a person. I kind of feel as if I am hiding behind other people and have lost my own identity. In the recent past I have had a lot of people refer to me by my identities of mother or wife and I love being a mother and a wife but it would be nice to be known for my own identity as well.

I have had a few small accomplishments. I had a poem published in the book "You Are Not Alone" put together by Andrea Roe. The last stanza of the poem was even put on the back of the book.

http://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Not-Alone-Companionship/dp/1412096170

I had two tarot spreads I created published in the 2005 tarot lovers calendar and one in the 2007 calendar. I have also had a story of the adult nature published in bareback magazine.

I think maybe it's because next month I am turning 30 and my clock is starting to tick why I am feeling this way. I am working on making something of myself. I am going to school and I am taking voice lessons that I hope to do something with some day. I have a bad habit of wanting immediate results and i just need to be patient.

Wish me luck.

Protecting Marriage.

I support gay marriage. Why? Because I don't see any good objective secular reason why they shouldn't be able to get married.

Today I saw this commercial and it made me sick.



Now this is what I do not understand. How are we protecting marriage by not allowing homosexuals to get married? How is it even constitutional in a country where we are supposed to have freedom (particularly freedom of religion) to ban gay marriage based on religious beliefs? What does it matter to the general public what homosexuals or anyone else decides to do with their personal life?

I think straight people damage the institution of marriage enough already.

I would also like to add that I have no problem with people who are against gay marriage. If you are against it, that is your right to have that opinion. What I have a problem with is the people who want to legally force their opinion on the general population.

Misused Words: Forsaken

Sometimes I hear words over and over in certain mediums that seem to strike me. For the last few years or so I have seen/heard the word forsaken a lot and I think many times that I see or hear it, it is used in the wrong context.

Perhaps I am misinterpreting the way people are using it, but to me it seems like when people use it, they mean that they are being insulted, taken advantage of or used.

According to dictionary.com Forsaken is listed as:


–verb
1.
pp. of forsake.

–adjective
2.
deserted; abandoned; forlorn: an old, forsaken farmhouse.

So, I suppose if you are being insulted or taken advantage of, it may feel like you are being forsaken but technically the word means abandoned or deserted; "left behind" if you will.

Any thoughts?

Maybe I'm just bitter.

I realize that we are all limited by what we have experienced but I really wish some of these youngins at my school would get some experience already and come out from mommy and daddy's wings. I mean, I hear them whine about how mommy and/or daddy won't give them a ride somewhere or won't borrow them the car and what not. Here I am thinking 'Hell, sometimes I am lucky if my old rusty car will make it to school and I have had to skip school because I didn't have the gas money to get there.'

In my writing class the kids wanted to watch youtube videos the entire class period. The classes cost what...$160 a credit? I'd like to actually get something for that! I can watch youtube at home!

I'm not mad at the kids, it's not their fault. I just hope that when my kids are college age I have given them the skills and encouragement to have their own car and their own life. I think that with the fact that we are working poor and don't have the resources to hand life to them on a silver platter will definately help with that.

"It's who you know, Not what you know"

One of the last things we talked about in my Interpersonal Communications class was Networking and I will admit the conversation kind of disgusted me. Basically the job market is "who you know, not what you know." I always knew this, at least to a certain extent. But one kid said he got a job simply because he liked the Green Bay Packers. There was no interview...nothing. The boss asked who his favorite player was and then said he got the job.

That is not really what annoyed me. The thing that bothered me was when I said "That's awful" my teacher said "That's just how it is"

So is this how our society works? Something is wrong, we know it's wrong but we still support it for our own selfish needs and desires? Is the whole world like this or just America?

I have no problem with using your friends and family to get a job (or hiring family or friends) if you truly know the field and would truly contribute something to that job market. For example, I work with developmentally disabled adults and my best friend is my boss. However I have worked with DD people before and I have skills that do well for that field.

Anyways, so why do we even go to college? Maybe we should all just take classes on how to kiss ass and give favors!

To all my large sistas and brothas...this blog is for you!

I am a fat girl. On one of my interpersonal communication journals I pointed that out, my teacher crossed it out and wrote "large mammal". Well I am sorry, I don't need to sugar coat things like that, I am what I am.

Of course I hear a lot of derogatory names, jokes, etc aimed at fat people and normally I don't get offended, but every once in awhile something happens where I do get offended and today in my creative writing class was one of those days.

Our teacher showed us the video "Window Seat" by Erykah Badu
where Erykah removes all her clothing on a public street. Our teacher pointed out that he likes the fact that Erykah is a real woman with a voluptuous back and and womanly hips. Suddenly people began to disagree with him saying they could see her "fat rolls" jiggling and it was gross. Afterwards we were looking at the people of wal-mart website and of course the same people would make comments every time a picture of a fat person was displayed, even if they weren't wearing anything too atrocious.

I think I was offended because first of all, Erykah Badu is thick surely but not fat and I feel that if people think she is disgusting then what does that say about me? Secondly, it seems to me that unless a fat person is covered completly from head to toe in long pants and sweaters, then people disapprove of us being in public. Granted some of these people on the people of wal-mart website were wearing clothes that NO ONE should be wearing inside of a public store, some of the pics simply showed girls wearing a tank top. Im sorry people, but when it's hot out, hell yeah I am going to wear a tank top. I don't really care if you find my fat arms disgusting.

In class I made some joking comments about how I was going to wear something risque to the next class and acted of course like I was not that offended because I didn't want to seem like I am uncool or overly sensitive (even though I totally am).

Coincidentally, after school I went to my jobs main office to attend a harassment and diversity class that is required for us to take annually. After this class I realized that I was not too off base for feeling offended. Now I will be one of the first ones to say that some people get too offended by things and take things to extremes to resolve. I have no problems with people not being attracted to fat people and having that opinion is fine, but I think that making extensive comments about how disgusting fat people are is crossing the line.

I think that overweight people are a group of people that many people in our society have been taught that it's ok to make fun of because we made ourselves that way and because we are not aesthetically pleasing on the eye. I admit that I did things to make myself that way but I did not wake up one day and decide I was going to be fat. I have a food addiction, and like any addiction I take it one day at a time. Until I am able to fully manage my addiction and become healthy again, I still have the right to fashionable clothes, going to the beach or pool in my swimsuit and being out in public without being harassed.

If having to look at my fatness is ruining your perfect day in your perfect world you have two choices; look the other way or kiss my big fat juicy ass!