It is a firm belief of mine that as Americans (I can't speak for the rest of the world) we are becoming more divided. I am not focusing on politics, just in general. One thing that makes me believe this is that it seems like for the most part, people try to avoid any kind of conflict. I think that many people have been lead to believe that conflict is for people who don't like each other. So when many of us disagree with our acquaintances, we tend to hold it inside and let it stew. I believe this has helped us become somewhat of a passive aggressive nation, which helps to divide people more because by the time a person does come out with what they are upset about (usually after making many semi-direct snide comments), the disagreement is worse than the original.
Occasional conflict (friendly fire) can be essential to maintaining a friendship or acquaintanceship. If one keeps their comments neutral while reassuring the other person that disagreeing with them doesn't mean they don't like them, friendly conflict can help a relationship grow by establishing openness, honesty and trust. I see avoidance tactics by people which includes ignoring comments and trying to change the subject; and personally, if they disagree with me or think I am saying something stupid, I would rather them tell me than keep quiet. People may think they are keeping things to themselves when avoiding uncomfortable disagreements, but often times they are showing some signs of the disagreement in their facial expressions and body language and often times, remaining silent can be a bigger snub than just saying something.
So in my opinion, it is better to just go ahead and disagree. If you are prone to spouting angry nonsense when disagreeing, just choose words carefully or take a breather before you say something. But don't let it sit and potentially grow into something bigger.
Anytime I've challenged the so called local "music scenesters" on anything, they always attack my credibility and talent and make me look like an asshole to everyone..that's why I've just kept my mouth shut..
ReplyDeleteYeah and I think in many cases people have that first gut reaction where they are upset and you may find that they have changed their mind later. Or it's the group dynamic which is a little different, they want to stay in their clique and they don't want to agree with you in danger of losing their entourage.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking up for yourself in those kind of situations can be very risky. You may become an outcast or you may become the hero.